Thursday, January 8, 2009

I need a little SUN...or a REALITY CHECK


So lets say I follow the church...and wait for that appropriate Soul mate that so many of you have found... In the mean time.... Life goes forward. I live life to the fullest (almost). I live vicariously through my family and friends as I see them have families? Am I allowed to find some close strait attachments? I think I should do what the prophet says not for the prophet but rather for me. What I mean is that I think I will be blessed for being obedient. I however really believe the church is struggling to find their own way on this issue. I really think we need a prophet with enough courage to take this to the Lord. The Lord does not automaticly solve our problems without our engagement, we are however told not to "kick against the Pricks" (Acts 26:14) So how does change happen if we are not allowed to contend? Alan tells us a little Revolution is a good thing.To Quote-George Washington: "Never lose sight of the goodness of our cause. Difficulties are not insurmountable. Perseverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages." In the mean time I'm obedient but not exactly being nice about it. When I see so many kool people leave I get angry cause like these are very kool people. The kind you want in your community. I won't bring up my friend Cody cause that is still a sensitive issue that I may never get past. So in the mean time... I live the good life catching some Rays watching my nieces and nephews grow up. It is Kool. What I really want to know is this...Is there a dedicated SSA single saint out here who has endured the trial of time and hope? As I think of all you out there in the MoHoFamily....your either finding that soul mate in or out of the church...the rest are like me waiting on deck. I feel like a pinch hitter. Sittin on the bench wait'in my turn. I'm a little afraid of that. I don't want to become bitter and fade into the shadows. Yet I know it's a TEST and that we have so much to give because we are who we are. Is it enough? Is there joy in this place?
Are there enough red rocks to keep me searching? The pioneers were something else. What faith they had. They did the impossible. After reading "the Hole in the Rock"...I shame at my impatience. My gluttony. They worked together to overcome incredulous obstacles. They helped each other make that next RISE on the hill top. They shared..made room...included everyone....much like the MoHoFamily. I wonder...will I climb that last rise?

14 comments:

October Rising said...

"I don't want to become bitter and fade into the shadows."

I'm with ya there. At least yer not sitting on the bench waiting for your turn alone. I'm right there next to ya. And as for life? I don't want to fade into the shadows either. I feel ya.

Kengo Biddles said...

I think that we all need to remember just how many people are rooting for us (2 Kings 6:15-17).

And I think that more and more, people are getting supportive of those like us who are trying really hard to keep our covenants.

Abelard Enigma said...

In the mean time I'm obedient but not exactly being nice about it.

I love it!!!

Bravone said...

Zinj, I admire you for being obedient, even if you are not nice about it.:) I am often the same way. I hope you and others like October can hold on while waiting for further light and knowledge.

Robert said...

I totally understand Zinj. Well, at least to a very high degree. I'm really bummed that there isn't more from the Church for us to go off of. I don't know whether I'm being a whiney child, crying for not getting all that he wants, or if it's legit for me to be disappointed. In the meantime, I think I just need to keep a balance between acceptance and intention. Acceptance of things I can't change, and intention/consciously-motivated-behavior to walk the paths that the Creator directs me in. Like you, I think that a lot of this feels like prolonged and indefinate waiting. I'm really patient when it comes to working with others...I guess that I need to do the same in this situation - be lovingly patient.

beaux said...

very thought provoking. I appreciate the post and feel much the same way. the church really is reaching out to understand and to know what direction we should follow but it really seems so vague. you're right that we need someone to lead us on this issue. i know, for a fact that this issue is a constant concern and that it has often been brought before the lord. i believe now that the lord is waiting the time that we (the membership) are all ready for the potentially shocking answer.

Alan said...

Right on deck with you Zinj. I did the whole dutiful Mormon Boy's Map thing, stifled & suppressed, got married, it was disastrous, at least I have two wonderful little kids to give me additional purpose. Beyond that, like you, obedient but often snarky about it. The more I think and read and reflect and research and pray about this, the more convinced I am that only "shocking new revelation" (thanks Beaux) will resolve the current impasse the Church has with its gay members.

Because that's exactly what it is. An impasse. An insoluble conundrum. In a Church which assumes a heterosexual God and restricts its highest blessings to those who emulate him most closely, and which withholds those blessings and casts out those who are honest about their inability to fit that pattern, gay members will never fit completely. Politely tolerated, perhaps. Warmly welcomed in full fellowship? Without that "shocking new revelation," never.

I am angry about this because I've checked out countless other churches and find them all "church lite" by comparison. Theologically, nobody has what the Latter-day Saints have. Yet the LDS Church is agonizingly deficient in this one area that is so crucial to so many of us. Angry at a church culture that is so unbelievably stubborn and resistant to new ideas. Like Joseph Smith said, getting the Saints to accept new ideas is like splitting knots in tree branches using a pumpkin for a wedge and a pancake for a hammer.

So I have largely resigned myself to a life of living with frustration no matter which way I turn. God help us all. That's a prayer, BTW, not an expletive.

Z i n j said...

October...how long can you sit on the bench? Those splinters are annoying.

“Don’t be afraid!” Elisha told him. “For there are more on our side than on theirs!” 17 Then Elisha prayed, “O Lord, open his eyes and let him see!” The Lord opened the young man’s eyes, and when he looked up, he saw that the hillside around Elisha was filled with horses and chariots of fire...great stuff Kengo..thanks

Braveone & Abelard...obediance requires faith. Faith is hope. Hope can only go so far...

Roberto...I need someone to be patient with with.

Beaux...the Saints are not ready for that shocking answer. I'm curious as to why you believe the church is reaching out. I hope your right.

Alan...thanks for the great quote
"Joseph Smith said, getting the Saints to accept new ideas is like splitting knots in tree branches using a pumpkin for a wedge and a pancake for a hammer." I love it

Robert said...

Hey man, I'll totally be patient with you. You can hold me to it. I promise. Love ya man.

A CROW'S VIEW said...

I've often thought the same thing you posted. I've often wondered the same things. What I've come to believe is that this is what we know now and its what God wants us to know and he expects us to use it. We have a choice and he isn't forcing us. He will bless us accordingly and maybe not in this life. But that's the key.

Compared to eternity,this life is so short. The big IF. If the church is true then this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. What we do now effects how we spend eternity.

There are lots of things I can do now to be happy that may or won't lead to me being happy when that time comes. I need to choose.

A friend of mine who struggles with SGA but who isn't Mormon told me something the other day. He asked me if I would ever marry a girl. I asked him I haven't ruled it out.

He said that he has decided to not worry about it and to let God tell him what to do. I told him that's kinda what I'm doing, I'm putting into God's hands and then doing everything I can do. Together we don't make a bad team.

BigRedHammer said...

The analogy of sitting on the bench is exactly right. The Church doesn't know what to do with us. That's a problem though. All of our straight friends are progressing and growing. They are creating lasting relationships, having children, and learning what love really is. Church service is secondary to the service they give to their families.

Now contrast that with what we're given. We're basically supposed to stop progressing. We need to sit still and wait for our lives to run out. Church service becomes the meat of our lives rather than the mashed potatoes. That doesn't ring right with me.

As for rooting for someone... No one roots for the guy who sits on the bench and never is on the field. This life is not meant for waiting.

Z i n j said...

Big Red... "no one roots for the bench warmer"

You are so right,,,so what do I do?

Alan said...

If either of you figure it out, let me know!

artemisandollie said...

"so what do I do?"
Consider opening yourself up to the possibility of being in love with a man. It's the most radical, human and divine thing that you can do.

TUNES

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