Saturday, February 7, 2009
SOMETIMES the monster wins. I tried to run. I tried to hide. In the maze… ribs of dinosaur like fins jut upward with abrupt descents…some hundreds of feet into black voids. You don’t want to go there. My integrity as a human has been compromised. Blue Eyes says that in a quiet moment in a sacred place the spirit whispered “this life is not your own”….what a powerful message for all of us, In my descent to the void …Blues Eyes…. What you shared gave me hope. THIS LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN!! I shout. You are a creation of God. He made you this way. You are what you are. It has purpose. You just need the faith to get there. Roberto picked me up after the fall. Blood, abrasions, and tears. He picked me up. What a sweet soul. His giving is boundless. In one of the places I visit…. A rock art figure guards the maze. I named him Spiroman. He shows the way through the crags and slots and hoodoos. Events in this life have propelled me into the maze. A maze of pain that must be suffered. Spines of red rock that must be climbed. Hand holds, slick rock, cold nights, searing heat and stagnant pools abound. Hope I have. A friend I have. A father in heaven I have. For a season I am to wander….looking for signs of humanity, finding the bridge between my faith and my church, I am at a deep convolted chasm. To slip is to die. I do not do emotional pain well. I endure physical pain with triumph…but this I don’t do well. The chasm must be crossed with all its ledges, volcanic gardens and slippery slopes. I will not self-medicate. I will fight the pain. I will look for signs. I will become….this life is not my own. I just don’t know why.