Saturday, February 7, 2009

LOST in the MAZE

SOMETIMES the monster wins. I tried to run. I tried to hide. In the maze… ribs of dinosaur like fins jut upward with abrupt descents…some hundreds of feet into black voids. You don’t want to go there. My integrity as a human has been compromised. Blue Eyes says that in a quiet moment in a sacred place the spirit whispered “this life is not your own”….what a powerful message for all of us, In my descent to the void …Blues Eyes…. What you shared gave me hope. THIS LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN!! I shout. You are a creation of God. He made you this way. You are what you are. It has purpose. You just need the faith to get there. Roberto picked me up after the fall. Blood, abrasions, and tears. He picked me up. What a sweet soul. His giving is boundless. In one of the places I visit…. A rock art figure guards the maze. I named him Spiroman. He shows the way through the crags and slots and hoodoos. Events in this life have propelled me into the maze. A maze of pain that must be suffered. Spines of red rock that must be climbed. Hand holds, slick rock, cold nights, searing heat and stagnant pools abound. Hope I have. A friend I have. A father in heaven I have. For a season I am to wander….looking for signs of humanity, finding the bridge between my faith and my church, I am at a deep convolted chasm. To slip is to die. I do not do emotional pain well. I endure physical pain with triumph…but this I don’t do well. The chasm must be crossed with all its ledges, volcanic gardens and slippery slopes. I will not self-medicate. I will fight the pain. I will look for signs. I will become….this life is not my own. I just don’t know why.


Bravone said...

Zinj, I am always inspired and in awe with the depth of feeling in your posts. I too am trying to bridge the gap between my faith and my church. It is a journey that will likely long last. I do know that while the path is ours to tread, we are not left alone. Father is watching over us and has blessed us with trusting friends and family that sometimes come to our aid in unexpected ways.

Open, humble hearts will enable us to realize the tender tuggings of the Master's hands in our lives.

Robert said...

Don't go it alone unless you want to. Strength of character and resilliance - that's what you've got. Remember that you're terribly loved - without condition. I'm so glad that you're here and that you share. You're invaluable, and I can see that. For those who interact and see you all the time during the goods, bads, and usuals of day-to-day life, I'm positive that you're integral to the fullness that makes their lives good. Love you man. The person you are is a person of integrity and high value. Believe it Zinj. Do. Love you bro. Thank you for sticking around. :)

Arym said...

I don't think God meant for you to be in such pain. I think he meant for you to accept yourself for who you are.


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