Friday, December 12, 2008
STUCK between a Rock and a soft SPOT
Some of you say the most profound things. Survival kind of things. Things that make a big difference for a Latter Day Saint struggling with SSA and his place in his world. (see thought below). I've been told "I should leave my place in the world" and go where one can blend into the cityscape. Furthermore..."Admit who I really am and live healthy"...."have a real life relationship" All this to avoid becoming an embittered old man. Can I have the best of both world's? Can I stay in my canyon of Red Rock huggers and be accepted? Can I ride the range with my homies and be accepted? Can I blend into a small Utah ward with a boy on my arm? Can I attend family reunions without a family? Can I be lonely and healthy?. Will the Bishop give me callings with the young men? I don't know where all this is going. I'm just asking?. Do I stay and inherit the ranch and do all those thing that make me who I am...Or do abandon it for that cement wasteland yet finding myself cuddled at night? Earth intersects with culture. This I can't escape.
This survival THOUGHT ......... was SHARED once by one of you>>>
"Maybe we’re not supposed to fix every broken thing in life. Maybe, we’re supposed to do the most possible good with what we have. Maybe, these broken things are the very same things that will enable us to achieve greater levels of service that would otherwise be impossible. Maybe, we’re not all supposed to have the “traditional” life here...or maybe it’ll just happen a little later on. And along with that, what can we hope to become without learning to deny or control our passions…ourselves?"
THIS SUSTAINS ME....FOR NOW
I recently helped my homies bring in the Summer Range cattle.... then off to the desert we went. Campfire language was not without bashing of that which I belong. Not intended as evil but made in light humor. Somewhat silent I sat...yet not angry. I should be! Since most here were in the marriage process....it would have been too obvious for the celibate one to counter an opinion,,, Fire Roasted lamb, dutch oven potatoes, and peach Cobbler, root beer and a little poker...I countered more with tolerance speech and some prop 8 discussion hoping to bring up doctrine. Most of these fella's are LDS and church goers but not all. Hard workers, ranchers, coal miners, hunters, and my buddies. Coyotes ranted in the distance. The desert breeze warned of coming Winter. Even here in the quiet of the desert.. Homophobia abounds. The church has made this worse. Compassion is absent. Misconceptions run rampant. Here I belong. WHY?....