A SKINWALKER ....NAKED in the WILD

DEATH IN THE DESERT

2009-05-02T00:00:00.012-06:00

EVERETT REUSS my long lost hero....LOST to generations of nomads, misfits, monkeywrenchers and adventurers. Found on a fluke of circumstances. I have spent many a worn out boot in search of his bleached bones. Now finally I go to his shrine...a crevice on Comb Ridge amungst the red scorched stone. DNA confirmed that the youthful legend was indeed found. A young Navajo boy brings this all to light with a hidden family secret. The boys grandfather had from a safe distance been witness to the murder. Three Indians had chased Everett down. Everett refused to leave his burros and in doing so met his death by means of a rock being flung to the head. How ironic that a boy who sought only peace and beauty and stillness found chaos even here....in the desert. The good Indian drug Reuss up to the ridge top crevice, paid his respects, and kept the secret hidden until late in life. A sickness plagued the old Indian. Navajos know that a blessingway ceremony is needed in these circumstances. A evil lurked. The healer needed a lock from Everetts head to dispell the skinwalker. His children helped with the task...the incident of secret now passed on to new generations. The young Nez sought out this family secret and found those old bones of the poet artist nomad....my hero. I mourn for his moment of terror. We had hoped a better circumstance had been at fault. Such is life. Lately I see extreme chaos even in nature. Chaos with subtle order. Is this life? I don't mourn for the soul of Reuss...he lived richly. In his own words>>>

I have not tired of the wilderness. I prefer the saddle to the streetcar, and the star- sprinkled sky to the drool, the obscure and difficult leading into the unknown. It is enough that I am surrounded with beauty. This had been a full, rich year. I have left no strange or delightful thing undone I wanted to do.

As I go on my own journey....I now have a mecca to visit...to ponder.

INTO THE WILD....

2009-04-09T22:51:00.000-06:00

Back from the desert....time was spent excavating and surveying cultural resources...those ancient people. It was good to be there even though it was work and with all the drama of a crew. It was good to feel the dirt and the crisp bite of early Spring breaking. This was a random event in my life. An excuse to hide. Out of school and out of life...trying to deal with the pain of being compromised. I came back dirty...... as water was a premium commodity. With a few friends I'm going back... into the wild....before they discover that i'm back home. This one is for pleasure or pain depending on how you look at it. I thought time heals wounds, I'm weak. I will stay out there and come to some resolution. I've thrown a little movie together. I honor you for caring and integrity in the face of quandry in your own lives. I know the Lord will bless you all. What will I find out there? I'm uncertain. After my friends return...I will have opportunity to explore the limits of life. Perhaps healing...perhaps not. I will take my scriptures and Stegner Books.

How can simple chemistry be so cruel. Even with great discipline and restraint...the LIGHT has dwindled...lost disappointed discouraged. For one who fights for and lives the life....how can this be? It is in the end... the PAIN. Even though I am not strait edge....I will not mask it. Self indulgence and self medication are cheap short cuts...a life not lived. I had always felt that nature and the natural were spiritual forces that would hide me from the monsters that chase me. The storm raged, darkness fell and .... seems not even prayer would reach the clouds above. The PAIN has muted all joy and hope. As you know... my friends live this hell daily. I have been blessed to elude such oblivion until now. Enough of me. What of you? What amazing people you are. The force of all of you collectively far exceeds any obstacle that we individually face. It is that collective power that will triumph. You who embrace each other in the sanctuary of your homes will generate survival and hope and joy and light.....and in the end bring about understanding, tolerance and perhaps change in the realms of high places. At the School of the Prophets, I found it interesting that instruction was not authoritarian. It was a bond of brotherhood in which the Saints shared their ideas of the heavens and of the earth..... Equal privilege with ritual and intellect and edifice. I long for such a ritual which has given way to correlation and compliance. Thanks for giving so much. In the end...for me, it is not about staying in the church as half a man or leaving to have family and fullfillment but losing my priesthood. It was not about choosing anything. It was more about how I am wired. When sacred places no longer heal...then what? DUST TO DUST....

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.
--Martin Luther King

LOST in the MAZE

2009-02-07T20:51:00.006-07:00

SOMETIMES the monster wins. I tried to run. I tried to hide. In the maze… ribs of dinosaur like fins jut upward with abrupt descents…some hundreds of feet into black voids. You don’t want to go there. My integrity as a human has been compromised. Blue Eyes says that in a quiet moment in a sacred place the spirit whispered “this life is not your own”….what a powerful message for all of us, In my descent to the void …Blues Eyes…. What you shared gave me hope. THIS LIFE IS NOT YOUR OWN!! I shout. You are a creation of God. He made you this way. You are what you are. It has purpose. You just need the faith to get there. Roberto picked me up after the fall. Blood, abrasions, and tears. He picked me up. What a sweet soul. His giving is boundless. In one of the places I visit…. A rock art figure guards the maze. I named him Spiroman. He shows the way through the crags and slots and hoodoos. Events in this life have propelled me into the maze. A maze of pain that must be suffered. Spines of red rock that must be climbed. Hand holds, slick rock, cold nights, searing heat and stagnant pools abound. Hope I have. A friend I have. A father in heaven I have. For a season I am to wander….looking for signs of humanity, finding the bridge between my faith and my church, I am at a deep convolted chasm. To slip is to die. I do not do emotional pain well. I endure physical pain with triumph…but this I don’t do well. The chasm must be crossed with all its ledges, volcanic gardens and slippery slopes. I will not self-medicate. I will fight the pain. I will look for signs. I will become….this life is not my own. I just don’t know why.

OPEN space rocks2 (click here)

2009-01-20T16:38:00.001-07:00

WHY I FIGHT FOR OPEN SPACE

2009-01-16T22:38:00.001-07:00

Our perspective of the real world is slightly warped. X-boxes, microwaves, movies, apartments, MacBooks, cars, cnn, instant chicken noodle soup, Blackberries.....artificial environments that give us an illusion of power. We control all. We know all. We can do all... an indigestible glut of information, and less and less understanding. An Isolate self-centered creature within a synthetic prison of his own making. Despair leads to boredom, electronic games, computer hacking, poetry, and other bad habits. Better a cruel truth than a comfortable delusion. This illusion quickly disapates when one sits in the middle of no where. In the natural world we become but a tiny insignificant speck. Our perspective lashes out in violent metamorphis. Man verses Wild. Here we come to know God....his measure. Make a mistake here and you pay. Remove yourself from all things artificial and you are humbled. Leave behind our contraptions and walk, better yet crawl, on hands and knees, over the sandstone and through the cactus. When traces of blood begin to mark your trail you'll see something, maybe. Open space stretches time and prolongs life. I have a friend who's always in a hurry; he never gets anywhere. Walking makes the world much bigger and thus more interesting. You have time to observe the details. The utopian technologists foresee a future for us in which distance is annihilated and anyone can transport himself anywhere, instantly. Big deal, Buckminster. To be everywhere at once is to be nowhere forever, if you ask me.

There are no vacant lots in nature... Love of the wilderness is more than a hunger for peace but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread. it is also an expression of loyalty to the earth which bore us and sustains us, We need wilderness because we are wild animals. Every man needs a place where he can go crazy in peace. Every Boy Scout deserves a forest to get lost in, parched, tired, wind burned....feeling for the first time. Wilderness is more than the golden arch or the pastoral meadow but also scorpions and tarantulas and flies, rattlesnakes and Gila monsters, sandstorms, heat, chill, bacteria and bear, cactus, yucca, blisters, mesquite, flash floods, quicksand, and yes..,the occasional rotting of flesh.

I'm not saying that I don't use industrial technology or do my share of consumptive polluting or don't appreciate a warm oil furnace...I just need to heal out there from time to time. A bloody knee, a sandpaper tongue, a humbling face scraping fall. Only the half-mad are wholly alive.

Thomas Jefferson said "A little Revolution is good thing". Sometimes you have to do more than write letters. Society is like a stew. If you don't keep it stirred up, you get a lot of scum on top. When I hear the word "culture" today...I reach for my checkbook. What do you do when the blighters have all the real power. Individual democracy has given way to Big interests. The big Buick Electra pulls off the oil to a viewpoint at a National Park. Door opens. The view soon gives way to the stark desert heat. A drop of persperation forms. Door closes. The Ohio tourist soon is back on the oil, sipping a diet coke with the AC blaring. "That was beautiful"... I say, "Keep America Beautiful, Grow a Beard, Burn a Billboard and defend the land. Moderate extremism...to the extreme!!

May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. May your rivers flow without end, meandering through pastoral valleys , past temples and castles into a dark primeval forest where elk belch and wolves howl, through mysterious swamps and down into a desert of red rock, blue mesas, domes and pinnacles and grottos of endless stone, and down again into a deep vast ancient unknown chasm where storms come and go as lightning clangs upon the high crags, where something strange and more beautiful and more full of wonder than your deepest dreams waits for you --- beyond that next turning of that spooky gulch.....So get out there and hunt and fish and and hike and mess around with your friends, ramble and climb the peaks and breathe deep of that yet sweet and lucid air, sit quietly for a while and contemplate the precious stillness, the lovely mysterious and awesome space...If my decomposing carcass helps nourish the roots of a juniper tree or the wings of a vulture--that is immortality enough for me. Meantime, I'm going to gnaw on this sparerib, drink my diet pepsi, and contemplate the sand in my sandwitch.

A desert sunrise warms my soul. I know its kind of strange but that's how I see things with a little help from my friend Ed.

I need a little SUN...or a REALITY CHECK

2009-01-08T22:09:00.000-07:00

So lets say I follow the church...and wait for that appropriate Soul mate that so many of you have found... In the mean time.... Life goes forward. I live life to the fullest (almost). I live vicariously through my family and friends as I see them have families? Am I allowed to find some close strait attachments? I think I should do what the prophet says not for the prophet but rather for me. What I mean is that I think I will be blessed for being obedient. I however really believe the church is struggling to find their own way on this issue. I really think we need a prophet with enough courage to take this to the Lord. The Lord does not automaticly solve our problems without our engagement, we are however told not to "kick against the Pricks" (Acts 26:14) So how does change happen if we are not allowed to contend? Alan tells us a little Revolution is a good thing.To Quote-George Washington: "Never lose sight of the goodness of our cause. Difficulties are not insurmountable. Perseverance and spirit have done wonders in all ages." In the mean time I'm obedient but not exactly being nice about it. When I see so many kool people leave I get angry cause like these are very kool people. The kind you want in your community. I won't bring up my friend Cody cause that is still a sensitive issue that I may never get past. So in the mean time... I live the good life catching some Rays watching my nieces and nephews grow up. It is Kool. What I really want to know is this...Is there a dedicated SSA single saint out here who has endured the trial of time and hope? As I think of all you out there in the MoHoFamily....your either finding that soul mate in or out of the church...the rest are like me waiting on deck. I feel like a pinch hitter. Sittin on the bench wait'in my turn. I'm a little afraid of that. I don't want to become bitter and fade into the shadows. Yet I know it's a TEST and that we have so much to give because we are who we are. Is it enough? Is there joy in this place?
Are there enough red rocks to keep me searching? The pioneers were something else. What faith they had. They did the impossible. After reading "the Hole in the Rock"...I shame at my impatience. My gluttony. They worked together to overcome incredulous obstacles. They helped each other make that next RISE on the hill top. They shared..made room...included everyone....much like the MoHoFamily. I wonder...will I climb that last rise?

The BROKEN TRAIL of a Mormon SKINWALKER

2008-12-26T05:00:00.000-07:00

A Mormon SKINWALKER is different than the tradition Navajo SKINWALKER. In the dark world of Navajoland...SKINWALKERS abound--out of harmony in pursuit of evil deeds. These SHAPESHIFTERS "yee nadlooshii"cloak themselves in the SKIN of beasts and lurk in the night. These unNATURAL creatures cannot mimic the natural gait of the animal they cling under. Many a Mormon Missionary out on the Rez have experienced the lurking of these creatures on their nightly rounds. Navajo reluctantly talk of such things as to evoke an evilness their way. Navajo mythology or perhaps religious tradition has a dark side. The challenge to is to keep in harmony with the natural world. Shaman or medicine men chant healing rituals like the BLESSINGWAY[Hózhójí] to repair the evil of witches and darkness. Witches abound, humans gone to the dark side, appear as everyday people but secretly shoot poisens (bone fragments) into unsuspecting victims. Sickness or mental disunion results calling for healing and rituals. Local witches convene in an underground room littered with corpses. At these meetings they may make a sand-paintings of the new victim with colored ash and prepare corpse powder with a male victim's flesh. They filch something of the victims then chant and bury the object to induce distortion. Bad hair in the morning could be a sign (no jokes)..

A Mormon SKINWALKER is what I am. Something different. I have the appearance as the typical BYU stud. Inside the SKIN...however lurks a troubled soul...hidden secrets not spoken of in Mormon culture. Disharmony, dischord, disunion....finding my way in the shadows. Not accepted for who I am, not rejected because of Christ. My ONLY escape is NATURE. Here I find peace, harmony and non-judgement. Friends even follow. I have family. Activity and beauty overwhelm all superficialness. We swim naked in stone potholes in slot canyons...water falls off the red lips of cliffs and wash away the sins. The coldness or extreme heat keeps the SSA at bay. Naked boys dry off on sandstone with the piercing sun. Harmony, peace and non-judgment. Here I escape....my BLESSING WAY ritual and place of healing.

Culture and land and religion collide. One cannot hide in the rocks forever. The aged hard father hands worn and blistered rebukes all change. He did it the hard way...the only way....not unlike his father and his father who founded this place. They dug those first ditches.. They created a paradise in the wilderness knowing that the land does not give easily. Their dreams came to pass. My dream is different. My field to plow is different. It does not fit the cycle of time. I cannot tell him of this. I must follow his footsteps first. The soul remains empty and unsettled.... the place is good. Witches abound and shoot their poisen. Culture collides with religion. Religion collides with my soul. Red Rocks heal. Christ heals. The Cycle of life goes forward.I RIDE THE BROKEN TRAIL with messed up hair

Hayduke strikes again

2008-12-23T00:10:00.012-07:00

I KNOW THIS IS NOT FUNNY TO SOME but MONKEYWRENCHING is a form of PROTEST. MY HATS off to DeChristopher for his courage....

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

.....SAVE OUR LANDS

STUCK between a Rock and a soft SPOT

2008-12-12T18:55:00.015-07:00

Some of you say the most profound things. Survival kind of things. Things that make a big difference for a Latter Day Saint struggling with SSA and his place in his world. (see thought below). I've been told "I should leave my place in the world" and go where one can blend into the cityscape. Furthermore..."Admit who I really am and live healthy"...."have a real life relationship" All this to avoid becoming an embittered old man. Can I have the best of both world's? Can I stay in my canyon of Red Rock huggers and be accepted? Can I ride the range with my homies and be accepted? Can I blend into a small Utah ward with a boy on my arm? Can I attend family reunions without a family? Can I be lonely and healthy?. Will the Bishop give me callings with the young men? I don't know where all this is going. I'm just asking?. Do I stay and inherit the ranch and do all those thing that make me who I am...Or do abandon it for that cement wasteland yet finding myself cuddled at night? Earth intersects with culture. This I can't escape.

This survival THOUGHT ......... was SHARED once by one of you>>>

"Maybe we’re not supposed to fix every broken thing in life. Maybe, we’re supposed to do the most possible good with what we have. Maybe, these broken things are the very same things that will enable us to achieve greater levels of service that would otherwise be impossible. Maybe, we’re not all supposed to have the “traditional” life here...or maybe it’ll just happen a little later on. And along with that, what can we hope to become without learning to deny or control our passions…ourselves?"

THIS SUSTAINS ME....FOR NOW

I recently helped my homies bring in the Summer Range cattle.... then off to the desert we went. Campfire language was not without bashing of that which I belong. Not intended as evil but made in light humor. Somewhat silent I sat...yet not angry. I should be! Since most here were in the marriage process....it would have been too obvious for the celibate one to counter an opinion,,, Fire Roasted lamb, dutch oven potatoes, and peach Cobbler, root beer and a little poker...I countered more with tolerance speech and some prop 8 discussion hoping to bring up doctrine. Most of these fella's are LDS and church goers but not all. Hard workers, ranchers, coal miners, hunters, and my buddies. Coyotes ranted in the distance. The desert breeze warned of coming Winter. Even here in the quiet of the desert.. Homophobia abounds. The church has made this worse. Compassion is absent. Misconceptions run rampant. Here I belong. WHY?....

BLESSINGS

2008-12-10T22:38:00.012-07:00

If you hold up your head with a smile on your face
and are truly thankful...you are blessed because the
majority can, but most do not.

If you have never experienced the danger of battle,
the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture,
or the pangs of starvation ... you are ahead
of 500 million people in the world.

If you can attend a church meeting without fear of
harassment, arrest, torture, or death...you are more
blessed than three billion people in the world.

If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on
your back, a roof overhead and a place to
sleep...you are richer than 75% of this world.

If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and
spare change in a dish someplace...you are among the
top 8% of the world's wealthy.

If your parents are still alive and still married...
you are very rare, even in the United States.

If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even
touch them on the shoulder...you are blessed because
you can offer healing touch.

If you can read this message,
you are more blessed than over two
billion people in the world that cannot read at all.

Have a good day, count your blessings, and pass this
along to remind everyone else how blessed we all are.

I KNOW WE CAN'T CLAIM TO HAVE ALL THE BLESSINGS ABOVE
YET A FEW ARE LIKELY TO BE ON OUR LIST
AND
I FOR CAN ADD A NEW BLESSING TO MY LIST
A BLESSING UNTIL RECENTLY I NEVER KNEW WAS OUT THERE
YOU MY FRIENDS......

ALAN AND BRAVEONE AND CADENCE AND ROBERT AND ANDY AND MICHAEL AND DUCK AND CHASE AND OCTOBER RISING AND ABELARD AND D, AND SEAN AND JAKE AND ROMULUS AND SCOTT AND LOVE AND RYAN AND BROR AND MIKE AND HIDDEN AND MARK AND DANISH BOY AND CROW AND ALL THE OTHERS

...WHO FACE EACH NEW DAY WITH COURAGE AND CONVICTION ....WHO WILLINGLY SHARE THEIR LIVES AND WISDOW....WHO GIVE US SUPPORT AND NEW COURAGE
MERRY CHRISTMAS

SCATTERBRAIN STUFF

2008-12-05T20:50:00.006-07:00

I COULDN'T RESIST....CLICK on SCATTERBRAIN STUFF for BIGOTRY.... LDS style
http://beetlebabee.wordpress.com/2008/12/03/ho⋅mo⋅phobe-n/#comment-1592

YOU ALL remind me of FRIENDS from days gone by ...

2008-12-03T22:15:00.002-07:00

THOSE were the days.......I'm a sentimental slob, thats why I like HISTORY. YOU ALL remind me of those CAMPFIRE friendships

RETHINKING OUR WAY

2008-11-29T08:00:00.003-07:00

ESCAPE needed

2008-11-19T12:19:00.002-07:00

WHY is it that when DEPRESSION...discouragement...DISAPPOINTMENT hit...my blood sugar goes wacky? I am DRAINED!!

"What is it that awakens in my soul when I walk in the desert, when I catch the scent of rain, when I see the sun and moon rise and set on all the colors of the earth, when I approach the heart of wilderness? What is it that stirs within me when I enter upon sacred grounds? For indeed something does move and enliven me in my spirit, something that defines my very being in the world. I realize my humanity in proportion as I perceive my reflection in the landscape that enfolds me. It has always been so."
Momaday, N. Scott

Will the real JOE SMITH stand -up?

2008-11-14T22:24:00.019-07:00

Towle a visionary herself, an itinerant preacher who helped satisfy the young nation's hunger for preaching came to see the New Prophet for herself. She quipped, "Are you not ashamed of such pretensions?...You who are no more than an ignorant plough-boy... Joseph calmly noted, "the gift has returned again, as in former times to ILLITERATE FISHERMEN."

Some questioned the capacity of the uneducated prophet to do justice with God's revelations. Some questioned their authenticity when errors were made. The nature of the Revealed word, according to Joseph, was from God but not God's diction or dialect or native language ...recognizing the limitations of language and the weaknesses of himself...Joseph could freely edit his works and did so. Joseph encouraged the Saints to have this same kind of personal experience for themselves, for their families and as part of their stewardship.

Joseph gave up the Urim & Thummim..he no longer needed it ....was content with the spirit of Prophesy & Revelation.

According to some, Joseph's demeanor fell short of a prophet's character. He lacked "sobriety, prudence and stability" frequently showing "a spirit of lightness and levity, a temper easily irritated and a habitual proneness to jesting and joking"

Emma moved from house to house...no more settled than when she married Joseph 5 years previous

this tough guy said to be the strongest man on the Western Preserve said he could take Joseph Smith out alone...he had a hold of Joseph's leg as the mob carried Joseph from his home. Joseph gave a kick and tough guy went sprawling out into the street....later admitted the Prophet to the strongest man he had ever got a hold of.

Members came and went... leaders rose and fell...but Joseph persisted.

At 26 years of age, he led an organization of thousands, had huge building projects, always on the run, had his own family, was surrounded by more experienced, talented and polished men, was moving masses of people, tried to implement the idea of consecration, of cooperativism, claimed the miracle of translating a monumental scripture from ancient times, introduced long lost theological principles that grated against Christian tradition, structured a church after the order of the ancient church, restored priesthood and authority to the earth when priesthood was a bad word among protestants, published revelations of God speaking today...yet maintained unmatched resolve and conviction among tyranny and desertion and attack....yet maintained his sanity with calm and dignity even as his ultimate destiny loomed.

MORMONS are supposed to be better than this.....

2008-11-06T22:48:00.012-07:00

I am disappointed in MY PEOPLE. Burning the flag of a black family just because the nation spoke against racism and spoke for diversity & hope. Instead of celebrating this history moment in the cause of liberty MY PEOPLE sent to each other hateful awful text messages full of intolerance and shame. This confuses me. Doesn't the gospel of Christ have meaning to MY PEOPLE. Is his message not one of LOVE and forgiveness and compassion and non judgement. I see fear and scare tactics and people believing the most ridiculous fairy tales. Instead of pulling together as a people...we show who we really are deep down. Protesters surround our temples and declare us to be bigots. WE ARE!!! We worked so hard to show the world that we had overcome our prejudices of colored people. That is all UNDONE. Since the election...My father will not talk to me. I shed tears in the still of the night.

FIGHTING FOR OBAMA IN UTAH ...or will the real OBAMA stand-up

2008-10-29T21:07:00.004-06:00

But it is disappointing that in a Church whose theology is founded on individual responsibility to seek wisdom and learning by study and also by faith (note that it's both, not just the latter), so many Church members seem to accept instantly without question anything they hear as long as it aligns with their previous beliefs and (sadly) prejudices. That is a natural human tendency, I know. But in the LDS Church we at least profess to aspire to something ....... Utah is ground zero of scare tactics. A visiting teacher of a friend of mine told her that she had heard that Obama was the anti-Christ. My own father says he's moving to Canada.

SOMETIMES...we need to see the bigger picture

2008-10-29T20:27:00.001-06:00

PART 1 OF 6

BLOOD SPORT: day3: SILENCE of the LAND

2008-10-29T20:22:00.002-06:00

Although I don't hunt just for the game....9 hours of hiking...no deer or deer sign. I know this is 'TREE HUGGERISH" but things are changing. More dead pines & quakies. More EROSION. More fires & hard Summer micro-bursts. We have one area that looks like "pick up sticks". Another area..healthy pines blown over all over the place because when loggers came in they left an occasional single tree but with group protection during big winds they fall. I have surveyed for archaeology thousands of acres of dead sagebrush & pinion pine. Junipers the hardiest tree of all ...splitting down the middle. Drought> less sap> bug invasion> collapse

day 2 BLOOD SPORT: I HATE IT .... I LOVE IT

2008-10-24T21:39:00.001-06:00

I LOVE it when I see an OMEN. It is a sign of something good. I happened upon this arrowhead. I will KILL!
I HATE it when I hear shooting not far off...jealousy!
I LOVE it when I see an ELK mangled juniper tree. I think, "some elks nuts are making him nuts".
I HATE it when I come across some Forest Service sign out in the middle of nowhere that warns me that trees can fall down so stay alert. Duh...I can take care of myself..Sherlock. And to think someone got paid with my meager tax dollars to carrry this metal sign into nowhere.
I LOVE it when you come to the edge of some craggy canyon and think F&*#%... how am I going to cross this and then I find a game trail and have no problems.
I HATE it when my blood sugar bottoms unexpectantly out and I'm laying in the trail and people step on me.
I LOVE it when I can take a nap off the trail just because I want to.
I HATE it when I see a monster buck and find out its a tree limb.
I LOVE it when you find one of your old quakie signatures from when I was a little kid.
I HATE it when i'm taking care of business and a buck passes by.
I LOVE it when I discover some Pioneer trash out in the hills
I HATE it when out in the BOONIES I come across BUBBA and his beer can.
I LOVE it when out in the BOONIES I come across BooBoos

GUARDIAN ANGELS

2008-10-21T20:11:00.003-06:00

I know I'm not suppose to hunt cross-country with my ATV. I just got my 4-wheeler out of the shop with ten welds and various pieces of missing frame replaced. Over sagebrush, cactus, down gullies and washes. This one was steeper and deeper than I had anticipated. As I descended I found my self hanging on by a handbar as the ATV was balancing on one front wheel. I could feel the force of the bike throwing me. It was like being frozen in time. I had time to know exactly what was happening. I thought to my self you've f&%$# yourself bad this time expecting the bike to land on me in descent. Without time passage I was on the ATV at the bottom in control. A space in time lost. Guardian Angel or physics? I don't know for sure. And this after falling off the wagon with a bout of P & MB. I must have some worth. Last year it was broken ribs followed by a collar bone. I am a screw-up (no pun intended). Why can't I be normal?

BLOODSPORT day 1

2008-10-18T22:33:00.005-06:00

I know some choose not to hunt and I respect that. I hunt for tradition, for sanity and because I live in Bush's America and need the protein. This was a healing day...... beautiful, quiet and majestic. I'm big on hunting but not on shooting. I usually site my gun in late afternoon of the day before the hunt. I take care of my own deer. It ends up in bottles and as Jerky.

Prejudice and Misconceptions:

2008-10-18T06:46:00.001-06:00

What do people really know about Mormons?
In a world that is scared, jealous, and prideful it isn't hard to get caught up in the tangled web of bigotry. One group of people that gets the beating out of this mess, are the members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (abbreviated LDS, often called "Mormons".)
Fortunately, society mainly discourages bigotry against most social groups. Oddly enough, prejudice against Mormons is more socially "fashionable". A recent Bloomberg poll from the Los Angeles Times indicates that original bigotry against Jews and Catholics is "less popular".
Only 10% of Americans stated they would never vote for a Catholic president, and only 15% said the same of a Jew. Disturbingly, 40% of the population said they would never vote for a LDS president.
Of course, the bigots of the world are not the people quietly disagreeing with Mormon doctrine; the bigots are the people who purposely spread lies and slander to discredit the LDS church. This is the source of misinformation that causes misconceptions.
One example of this protest against the Mormons happens twice a year when the Church holds a biannual General Conference for its members. Some members travel to Salt Lake City (LDS Headquarters) to see it live, rather than broadcasted.
Unfortunately, these poor people have their spiritual experience interrupted by the "street preachers" who scream at the participants to let them know that they are "going to hell". What would a Muslim do if these bigots displayed themselves at Mecca? How would the Jew feel if this kind of hatred visited the Wailing Wall?
The internet is another great place to find examples of anti-Mormon prejudice. But if these web-masters really wanted people to find out the "real truth" about Mormonism, why don't they ever provide links to www.lds.org or www.mormon.org? (Official sites of the Mormon Church)
Could these enemies of the Church really know more about the LDS members than the members themselves? What a concept! In fact, you could also discover all about Jews from the Nazis, and learn more about African Americans from the Ku Klux Klan!
So, why is it that people do not like Mormons? Many people claim that they do not hate the Mormon people but simply their doctrine. Some people believe that Mormons are not even Christian because they do not believe in wearing or displaying "the cross".
Others find they do not like "Mormonism" because they simply feel it is "stupid", "far-fetched", "brain-washing", or "satanic"
The Bible says "By their fruits, ye shall know them" look around at what the Mormons are doing. What is so bad about not getting drunk and beating your family? What can be said wrong about avoiding STDs and the emotional stress of premarital sex? Who can call a man evil when he stays faithful to his wife and teaches his children to be honest and forgiving?
So, next time a LDS person walking, don't assume to know all about them because of watching South Park episode 712. Walk up and ask them what they truly believe.
They should know, right? They live it everyday of their life! The world is a vicious place but it doesn't have to be. Don't be a bigot; find a way to open the mind to other's beliefs.

I am DIFFERENT....

2008-10-12T00:55:00.003-06:00

Especially my father points out that I am different....but I already know it. He is very critical of "ME" not being Republican, not having one with the boys, hanging out with granola people, being sensitive, caring about social injustice, going out into the wilderness alone, not communicating with him, avoiding politics with him, liking black people, being a youth leader, belonging to the Southern Utah Wilderness Alliance, driving an X-Terra....and much more. I KNOW I AM DIFFERENT. It has something to do with SSA. I see it as a spiritual gift. Reflecting back...I took care of people when they needed care. Friends sacking out at my place when they had been kicked out of their homes, fishing trips to just get away, listening, not much advising as I didn't have the answers of justice & why me & so on. When no one else would coach..I would. When no one else would take them on a fifty mile hike..I would. When no one else would buy them a shake..I would. Is this my purpose? Is this a gift...a spiritual gift. Does the Lord need people like me? IS THIS WHY I HAVE SSA? The downside is the Aunts, "Why aren't you married"? "You shouldn't be doing that. You should be looking for a wife." "Why can't you be like #@*&"? Then there is the evil eye. The unconscious signal that someone knows. " You better keep your distance from my kids." " Why is he single...I wonder"

2008-10-05T23:00:00.000-06:00

By the strength of my arm, by the sight of my eye,
By the skill of my fingers, I swear,
As long as life dwells in me, never will I
Follow any way but the sweeping way of the wind.

Along I will follow the dark trail, black void on one side and unattainable heights on the other, darkness before and behind me,
darkness that pulses and flows and is felt.
Then suddenly, an unreal breath of wind coming from infinite depths
will bring to my ears again the strange,
dimly-remembered sound of the rushing water.
When that sound dies, all dies.

On canyon trails when warm night winds blow
Blowing and sighing gently through the star-tipped pines,
Musing, I walked behind my placid burros
While water rushed and broke on painted rocks below

Adventure is for the adventurous.
My face is set.
I go to make my destiny.
May many another youth be by me inspired to leave the snug safety of his rut,
and follow fortune to other lands.

God, how the wild calls to me.
There can be no other life for me but that of the lone wanderer.
It has an irresistible fascination.
The lone trail is the best for me.

At evening I would go out into the glade and climb
high above the river to the base of the cliff.
I would gather scarlet flowers and come down when the stars gleamed softly. Sighing winds would eddy down the canyon, swaying the tree tops.
Then the leaves would cease their trembling;
only the sound of rippling water would continue, and the spirit of peace and somnolence would pervade and the red embers of my fire one by one turned black and shadows deepened into a gently surging slumber.

Beauty isolated is terrible and unbearable,
and the unclouded sight other kills the beholder.
His only refuge is in insignificant things,
in labor that keeps the mind from thought, and in companionship
that gives back to the ego some of its former virility.
But he who has looked long on naked beauty may never return to the world,
and though he should try, he will find its occupation empty and vain,
and human intercourse purposeless and futile.
Alone and lost, he must die on the altar of beauty.

I thought that there were two rules in life—
never count the cost and never do anything unless you can do it wholeheartedly. Now is the time to live.

Always I shall be one who loves the wilderness:
Swaggers and softly creeps between the mountain peaks;
I shall listen long to the sea's brave music;
I shall sing my song above the shriek of desert winds.

When I go I leave no trace.
The beauty of the country is becoming a part of me.
Now the aspen trunks are tall and white in the moonlight.
A wind croons in the pines,
The mountain sleeps.

Say that I starved, that I was lost and weary;
That I was burned and blinded by the desert sun;
Footsore, thirsty, sick with strange diseases;
Lonely and wet and cold, but that I kept my dream!

Alone, I shoulder the sky,
And hurl my defiance
And shout the song of the conqueror
To the four winds,
Earth, sea, sun, moon, and stars.
I LIVE!

latest KILL

2008-09-18T23:33:00.002-06:00

I guide and this was from the weekend, I'm excited about taking a few days off next week for a buddy hunt with a muzzleloader. You didn't know that " we " are a diverse group and most of us do sports and outdoor stuff and don't wear pink.

DISAPPOINTMENT

2008-09-09T17:29:00.005-06:00

I was disappointed to find this STRONG statement UNDER THE TOPIC " What every Bishop should know about SSA" I totally disaggree with this assessment. Have I been on some other planet?
(click on the title to link to the source)

How does a man develop SSA feelings?
The root of this problem usually lies in childhood. Although each person's situation may be different, many follow a common thread. The man usually feels that he was abandoned by his father, either physically, emotionally or both. This abandonment occurred at a very young age, usually before the age of three. When a child is first born, he or she does not recognize himself as separate from his mother. He cries if she is out of sight. Eventually the child comes to recognize that he is separate from his mother. But a boy has another transition to make. He must also recognize that not only is he separate from his mother, he is different from his mother and like his father. If there is no male figure to identify with, the child may not develop his gender identity properly. This alone is usually not enough to result in SSA.